She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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