Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
