I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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