am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
