I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
