god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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