Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
