Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize