don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
