i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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