Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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