wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
