I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
