I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
