I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
