i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
