i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh god it's open bar.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
