bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
