If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Enjoy the penises
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
