I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
