I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
