i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize