His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
