i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
