my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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