I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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