At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
