it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
