Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
