tonight lets celebrate not being married
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
