So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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