I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
