I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
