You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
