i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
