it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
