I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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