At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
be right there i have to get my cape
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
