Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
