Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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