ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
