Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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