I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
