I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I need water and some morals
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
