Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
