You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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