Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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