Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
