so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
