Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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