separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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