i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
