Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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