If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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