i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Randomize
