omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
