I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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