I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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