everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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