You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize