You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
