So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
