a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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