I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize