Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
