If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
