Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
