...so i touched it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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