I think I am morally bankrupt
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
