If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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