He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you didnt know i had herpes?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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