she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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