You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
