I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
