i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize