You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
