every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
