my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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